Slappin’ da bass.
I love you Lance.
At the moment the Lakers don’t have a whole lot to sing about. Sure it’s been a fun season and the King is back. But LeBron James or not it looks like everyone else is about to leave. As Magic looks to offer everything in L.A. except the gridlocked traffic (try missing your 15 minute rush hour Uber window because of a clipped card and seeing how long a 45 minute drive from Santa Monica to the downtown of the STAPLES Centre takes you with a half seven tip-off game on the line), to get Pelicans superstar Anthony Davis. Who has demanded a trade from New Orleans, but will be a free agent next year and has informed the league that the Lakers are his preferred destination (minus the car congestion) and any team he gets dealt to will merely act as a one year rental until he dons purple and gold.
It all seems pointless doesn’t it?
But there is another Anthony that looks almost as ‘so near so far’ close to joining the LeBron Show. And that’s his merlot friend and former Rookie rival Carmelo. With the exuberant young core of Lonzo, Ingram, Kuzma, Hart and Zupac (they already all go by one name…so you know they’re good) on the block and the Lakers not learning from Randle or Russell (who has just been named an All-Star for Charlotte, to many a tweet from many a player including the not so subtle shots of last year Laker spark-plug Isiaah Thomas tweeting, “one team didn’t want you but another did. And now you’re an All-Star”. Some real character that was retweeted by Larry Nance Jr. Damn! Jordan Clarkson may as well have favourited it), it looks like they are all about the vets like sick pets. And to be fair the meme team is ‘Stranger Things’ have happened hella fun. From the all dunking and blocking energy of ‘Defensive Player Of The Year’ conversation JaVale McGee, to the All-Star veteran star scoring in bunches of Michael Beasley. And of course the pure point of Rajon Rondo, perfect for Lonzo. But finally after returning from spending most of the campaign being suit and tied to the pine with injury or spitting suspension, he’s now on the block with Ball and Bease’ back to the N.O.
And then there’s Lance. The hustle and flow of this team with a former Pacer superstar pedigree. Whose make ’em dance celebratory enthusiasm is an energy and one. Certainly a classic character in league and now a Lakers lore where he is a STAPLES fan favourite. And he’s still got it too. Muscling through the paint for a dunk or dish. Doing this whilst dogging on defence. But his sweet spot seems to be just inside the perimeter fence. Where he backpedals to the futuristic downtown Pico skyscrapers of the city, whilst dribbling to set up his signature shot that is all bucket and water. You just know it’s already going in as he does tuning his guitar and then strumming the Gibson to that now classic celebration song that has been modern iconic since the day he played the Warriors a ditty on Christmas Day like chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
And now everyone’s doing it like the South Korean sensation BTS hash-tag ‘Idol Challenge’. Flossing like Fortnite it’s the new groove for emperors of all different types of parquet floors. Steph auditioned it for a team sponser Wish commercial. Even dunking dynamite dynamo Russell Westbrook of the Thunder rocked it when he hit a big shot against the Lake Show to weather the purple reign. But Lance didn’t like that. Not.one.bit. You should peep the hilarious photo. It should come with a caption that’s the opposite of those memes that say, “find yourself someone that looks at you like”…
Blow us a tune in our ear number 6. But what goes through his head when Lance licks? Well the fires in his eyes and the words are really clear. It’s not the Rolling Stones or Guns N Roses. Showing how funky and strong his fight it’s the ‘Thriller’ classic of Michael Jackson and Eddie Van Halen on the axe.
And with that here’s a message to the Lakers. To play you need six strings…not just one. One snaps and like Christmas lights all going out, music can’t be made.
Lance Stephenson ladies and gentlemen! Music to the Lakers fans ears. Let’s give him a hand.
Born ready to be a rock star.
Dame Time Forever. What Are Those New Adidas ‘Black Panther’s’?
Adidas are in the Endgame now.
Before we get started, Havlicek would have stole that ball. Just saying Paul George. Stop acting like Paul Pierce. It wasn’t a “bad shot”. And R.I.P. to a Boston Celtic and storied NBA great. Dear John will be stealing every ball in hoop heaven. Rest peacefully.
Like a cat toying with a mouse. That’s how we described Lillard’s Dame Time winning clutch three from Mt. Hood as Portland gave Oklahoma City roses in the first round this week. Damian had more clock than grandfather’s and still took his time. Because it is his after all.
And now as timely as ever in the same week as one of the greatest playoff game and series winning shots in basketball for all time and one of the biggest blockbusters in Hollywood history coming out with ‘Avengers: Endgame’, this cat is building a superhero legendary legacy.
You better check a comic-book or something.
T’Challa may have been Thanos snapped to cat litter in the Avengers ‘Infinity War’, but the King of Wakanda has a regal gift by royal appointment to Damian Lillard like he did Victor Oladipo in a victorious Slam Dunk Contest for testament tributes last season.
The cat has something out the bag.
Now you may be screaming “what are those” like Shuri at these royal sandals, but try these sneakers on. They embody everything about the next gen, nano tech Black Panther suit she developed for this emperor’s clothes. All the way down to the texture and trim which straps “Wakanda Forever” over the laces. The titan mad purple that runs like veins through Chadwick Boseman’s superhero suit absorbs all the blows he takes and turns it into a recharged deflecting energy pulse. Kind of like all the rock the baby and wrist tapping crap Damian Lillard was taking off Russell Westbrook before he absorbed it all and gave it back in a half century energy that exploded with a game winning fireball.
Never delete that footage.
Marvel have also gifted Dame with his own Black Panther mask like Oladipo, but this time canvas created from his super sneakers. Part of the ‘Heroes Among Us’ series from the three stripes, a comic-strip advertising campaign has been crafted. Featuring Lillard standing in front of the downtown RIP City, PDX skyline looking Wakandan in artwork akin to the ‘Nation Under Our Feet’ graphic novel redux series that rebooted this classic character before his feature film debut.
Damian may have played Killmonger villain to the Oklahoma Thunder, going G.O.A.T. like Michael Jordan B. But he’s a hero to us now blazing a trail like a human torch possessed with a fire and the heart of a lion inside all that panther power.
The Dame 5 will assemble with the arc of the bolted up ‘Iron Man’ Harden Vol. 3 for James and the patch of the ‘Nick Fury’ TMac 1 for Tracy McGrady. As well as the ‘Captain America’ Adidas N3XT L3V3L, and a ‘Captain Marvel’ Adidas Pro Vision for all those who could take the lead all day, with us ’till the end of the line. HIGHER. FURTHER. FASTER.
But we know which ones will be clawed off the stores shelf throne come it’s big blockbuster release with ‘Endgame’ right now.
It’s a drip fit for a King.
RIP OKC. Dame Time Clocks Thunder’s Reign From Way Downtown PDX
Even two games down the Thunder bolt boys joked like the last laugh that was yet to be delivered, like this what’s the 4-1 punchline. Zero to zero for the best series of these NBA Playoffs so far, Russell Westbrook rocked the baby at Damian Lillard, before mocking his wrist watch celebration like he did Laker meme Lance Stephenson’s air guitar strumming one with D’Angelo Russell ice in his veins. All before Paul George double pumped a dunk as time expired on a game that was already decided way before the horn blared.
“It is the unemotional, reserved, calm, detached warrior who wins, not the hothead seeking vengeance and not the ambitious seeker of fortune.”
But then last night before posting that Sun Tzu quote on Instagram in this art of war. In the face of P.G. the PDX P.G. beat the buzzer as Dame Time struck from way downtown RIP City. With an Austin 3:16 bottom line to give OKC the history engraved tombstone and the Portland Trail Blazers a legendary storied, legacy making championship belt for this classic series in hardwood history.
Reminding us of that time Charles Barkley responded to a Nike barbershop ad featuring former Golden State Warriors Chris Webber and Latrell Sprewell joking about dunking on him by putting all the points on them in the following game and running past them on the bench draped in dejected towels shouting, “put that in a f###### commercial!”
Colder than February. More ruthless than a convertible in Summer.
37 feet high and rising from deep. Deep as the halfcourt abyss. With the this time of season cherry blossoms blooming outside Portlandia’s Moda Center, the City of Roses was handing everyone from basketballs Oklahoma home funeral flowers. And leading the precession, hearse wrapping it up like his killer bars, Dame D.O.L.L.A was right on the money like exact change only please, waving goodbye. Even if Paul George walking off in defeat like LeBron James and getting his Vlade Divac on in a press conference more awkward than a blind date with an ex called it a “bad shot”. To which the great Dame simply replied with a tweeted “lol” (see also, laugh and last). He better Big Shot Bobby Horry check a newspaper or something. Dame Time didn’t just beat the buzzer. He took baby powder to it. As Dame had all the Louis Armstrong time in the world with ten on the clock and the last shot in this final frame to dribble drive or dish. But instead, toying with George like a cat does a mouse, as David beat Goliath like Jerry did Tom, Lillard had the sand to set up shop, his spot and his shot from what looked like a bunker. A hole in one, with the cocksure confidence of Tiger Woods putting for Masters glory in Augusta and embracing his kids, two decades after doing the same with his pops all for the green jacket.
From this master, like a tap in putt with no Mulligan to carry, this was always going in. Nothing but net. All water like those Thunder tears. O.K. now that was a 3.
And to think I swore I wouldn’t go back on social media until after the new Avengers movie came out, but DAMN Dame Time! Spoiler alert, this is the new ‘Endgame’ now.
Cousy. Pettit. Sam Jones. Wilt. Chuck Barkley. M.J. And now the Dame train as the legendary Lillard goes hard to join this lineage as the only players to hit 50 in a playoff clinching game. And what a way to do it, fading away to clock out of the game and series 118-115 for the greatest Portland playoff moment since the G.O.A.T’s shrug. As mobbed by teammates on the floor he sank into, telling Russ to ‘Get Out’ his house. Peeling off like Jordan, Damian all on his own like a devil, GIF turned into an instant meme, as he turned the Thunder into a memory (you know the one were everyone loses their mind around that smirking kid with glasses in the raincoat? Well now guess which superheroes face is super imposed?). Staring into the camera with that look you know was for Russell Westbrook.
What a whole mood.
Whose left holding the baby now?
Dame didn’t even have to check his watch. Why? Him, her, them. They all knew what time it was. His. As Dame Lillard just did it in the Oregon home of Nike. Shoe dog like Phil Knight, running off victory for the courtside crowd, including legendary comedian Cedric the Entertainer for this last laugh lap. As this Gladiator hit one of the best and biggest shot fired in NBA history. Subliminal and literal.
Are you not entertained?
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