City guys. Your favourite edition of Nike’s NBA jerseys are back…well most of them anyway. With rumour having the remaining teams-like Utah’s jazzy orange (for one final season setting in its sun) and the mardi gras of New Orleans-staying the same as last year (if we’re wrong we’ll update). Just like New York still honouring the emergency service first responders, or the Spurs the military with their camouflage grade that’s only right. So leaving them out of the list as this is a new chart-despite their sick signatures-lets rank the best of the rest in descending order for your festive wish list.
And the loser is…
F###.The.What. Appealing to Kristaps Porzingis high-school headband and cornrows, the Mavericks have appropriated their worst jerseys since shiny suit man P. Diddy designed those silver lining threads…and they at least looked Kobe Adidas shoe cool back in the early 2000’s. Taking one of the Dirk days (when he was just a Kidd) blue joints and spray tagging them with graffiti makes me sympathize with the adults that think this street signature isn’t at all art. But what more could you expect for the “West Slovenia, born and raised (on the playgrounds is where he spent most of his days)”, Fresh Prince of Dallas Luka Doncic? All the puke emojis out of nothing.
Speaking of those green emojis what in the hell are these? I’m not saying this because I’m a Laker fan. I actually love Boston and the Celtics rivalry, but there is no pot of gold here. These shamrocks suck. And the Celtics alternatives are usually as classic as their original and best, never changed home and road. But this time, no one is after these lucky charms.
Clean, classic, but with no marks for effort. We’ve seen this all before. This is basically the Sixers script from last year which in turn was lifted from the remnants of that style for everyone teams Christmas jerseys a fair few December 25’s ago. Straight jacked. At least incorporate something more with the Liberty Bell than just the shorts…or speaking of which give Rocky his creed for a knockout Balboa up the steps. The classic ‘Seventy Sixers’ jerseys were much classic car cooler.
Los Angeles Clippers
Compton…or should we say GTA: San Andreas stand-up?! Straight outta being the new Kawhi Leonard and Paul George face of L.A. even with A.D. finally at the Lakers (until the King had other ideas), these new black script on white Clipper clippings are worth broadsheets for your L.A. times. Headline…”No Regrets”…not even one.
Los Angeles Lakers
Shaq sized. Laker Lore has it that each year a purple and gold legend will design the City threads for Los Angeles. You remember the Kobe Mamba snakeskin black and probably will be keen to forget the Magic purple pinstripes of last years look…which at least was the first ever Lakers jersey to rock Los Angeles on it too. This years gold belongs to the Most Dominant Ever looking like a hybrid of the three-peat STAPLE he wore, the white on gold Laker look of Wilt and basically what the King crowns now. But the Chick Hearn tribute is a nice touch straight out the refrigerator. Sparing a blue classic edition I guess we will have to wait for those Crenshaw blue Nipsey Hussle tributes until when like Grant Goldberg, LeBron James gets his turn to design.
Kyrie and Kevin’s Nets have already spread love the BKLYN way with those greyscale court matching unis this year. But following their Coogie sweater lining King of N.Y. ones from last season, they’ve gone notorious again for B.I.G. Bed Stuy whites in the same graffiti. Hey at least its not a Maverick mistake.
Cream City may sound a bit dodgy…or a bit coffee, but you can’t deny these cream cuts (Liverpool football club in the 90’s once called this colour “ecru” (defined as the lighter fawn (hey) of unbleached linen)). Just like you can’t deny they’ve done this before…and could do better. Time to buck the trend.
Royal red tops royal blue…or does it. We can’t quite decide. What you can clearly see is that these Sac Town proud King robes are an update rather than a redesign. That isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some teams this year didn’t even opt for a city costume change. But just like the Kings in April this aint winning any contests.
Taking it back to Vancouver. These Grizzlies teal throwbacks are the real deal. Come for the Mike Bibby memories. Stay for the Ja Morant ones he’s about to make from Canada to Memphis.
Phoenix started this Los respect and the thanks you fans get is a new Los Suns jerseys that takes it back to the Phoenix Suns black jersey days of when J-Kidd had bleached blonde hair. We’d like to forget that, but we’re so glad these black dye cuts are brought back. Some things always stay in fashion. Other things never were Jason.
Last city of the East. First city of the West. That was the big headline to go with Minny’s new jerseys. But all we want to know is where is Mr. Rogers? O.K. so the purple reign of Paisley Park is over…long live the Prince, but these Timberwolves traditional sky blue MSP’s are minimalistic magic in old Minnesota blue with that modern look for the twins.
Rep The District
I love the stars and stripes of all Wizenard Washington jerseys that stay patriotic as the nations capital even if their president does not. And these white in house designs will sell out worldwide, especially being big in rookie Rui’s native, rising sun Japan. I just can’t unsee the fact that the Wizards secondary logo looks like a cock and balls shooting something other than a basketball. And now…neither can you.
Oklahoma City Thunder
After losing everything-Harden, Durant and then Westbrook reunited with Harden-the Oklahoma City Thunder just have the big contract of legend but ageing veteran Chris Paul. They’ll have better luck shopping their new line of jerseys which basically switch around their orange, blue and white script like the same problems of the Knicks. Their black Oklahoma City jersey looks best however and means more. Honouring those affected by the Oklahoma City bombing in tributes bigger than basketball. Respect.
Motor City has had an oil change with these go speed racer racing stripes. And although there’s some hate for these tyre treads, anything that keeps the automotive industry in Detroit, Michigan rolling is more than homage with us. Go 8 Mile road, go!
Racing past that though like Christian Bale and Matt Damon in ‘Ford vs Ferrari’ is this years Indiana Pacers paint job to their Indy 500 respecting motor home, that really keep the speedway going like Oladipo running the break. Shake and bake. Clearing the finish line the winner is keeping pace. Inch or mile. But just wait until they try and incorporate that checkered flag next year. Do NOT pass go!
Rocketing past even that however are the new out of this world, cosmic city Rocket jerseys that put on for a whole solar system and state, let alone city with these NASA uniforms. Houston we have a tribute. And I ain’t got a problem with that. Especially the H-Town across the chest that puts on like Mike Jones. Who?
Nothing will beat the grey of The Land jerseys from a couple of seasons ago in Ohio. Or the number 23 that went below and behind it. But it’s a new day like Kevin and you’ve got to love it. Celebrating their 50th year in the league CLEveland are also going for an instant vintage feeling thrift throwback thats a grower like Nance Jr.’s vertical. Now his dunks like father, like junior will look that much throwback tighter.
Golden State Warriors
The San Fran…excuse me the Golden State Warriors have lost so many players in their move across the Golden Gate (Kevin Durant to free agency, Klay Thompson to thankfully not that but injury like Steph Curry and even new Splash Brother D’Angelo Russell for the dubbed triplets) that people are calling last tram time on their dynasty. You’d also be forgiven for thinking their mannequin City Edition jersey debuting model was another injured player who had lost his head. It’s a good job these San Francisco jerseys are one of the league best, even if they college dropout look a little McDonalds All American for our taste. Would you like some fries or guards with that?
These silver bullet Charlotte Hornets jerseys are Jumpman, Jumpman, Jumpman just beautiful. And Jordan’s CHA buzz city Hornets jerseys after last years purple reign may one day go next to those teal and purple pinstripe Charlotte classics as the Larry Johnson Grandmama of terrific throwbacks. Good Charlotte.
You can’t beat a classic and these vintage Rip City accents should make it into the regular rotation like the margins of those Portland classics. Dame will be right on time with these. Just another great throwback to add to your Carmelo comeback catalogue for the city of roses celebrating their half century anniversary in the PDX.
You have to love these Benny. Bull logo on front. The stars and stripes of the Chicago baby blue flag upfront. Nothing says city like these editions. M.J. would have looked amazing in these. Pity there isn’t a player there big enough to raise this one to the rafters. But then again there is this guy called Coby.
The boys in turquoise. With all the talent in South Beach these city jerseys really are our Vice. Some will wish the team went back to black in a Wade flash after last years pink neons. But just like all of those nightlife lights, these threads as teal or turquoise as the South Beach sea are that glorious and screen saver picturesque for the 305 to the city of Rick Ross’ port of Miami, Wade County. But just like the sand nothing beats the old white on white.
Orange on black is the new blue for the ORL Magic taking the sugar from their neighbours though. Now these are nice. Plain and simple, but simply beautiful. And with former top ten pick and sophomore slumping Markelle Fultz coming to fruition full too, it looks to be even more of a refreshing season and look in the Magic Kingdom. And for those outside of Florida are wondering why orange…then I have some Mickey Mouse ears to give you to go with it.
Peach up, A town down. These Atlanta Hawks jerseys really are a peach. And they don’t even take getting used to like the mix match mishmash of those neon glaring regulars. And with all of the amazing ATL scene in attendance for its welcome to Atlanta debut. From 2 Chainz to the furry thrones of Big Boi courtside we can’t wait for the College Park Outkast outfits Ms. Jackson.
As much as we’ll miss the ‘We The North’ pointing jerseys-especially last years red and white ones that put on for Canada like the countries first time NBA champs-these ones bring back Octobers Very Own black and gold and more. Expect Drake to be hooting about these like his own OVO owl every night. Check out the jagged Toronto logo up top too Raptor claws. Remind you of anything? How about those old inaugural Carter and McGrady throwbacks that still sell like Mitchell and Ness? What a hardwood crossover classic. Best of both worlds Professor Hulk.
The rise of the Rainbow
The only gold that could top that is the ones mined in Denver. The Nevada Nuggets really do have the developing young Murray team to go with this old vintage. The rainbow effect not only Atari takes it back to the 80’s with style. It also puts on for everybody these days like the city. From LGBT to you and me, these are in actual fact a statement made for the whole world.
Jared Dudley Is The Lakers Unsung Hero
There’s a hero that could save us in Hollywood right now.
And I ain’t talking about The King.
Or the Brow to ‘Bron in A.D. and his best since Shaq and Kobe dynamic duo combining for 70 like one off Elgin Baylor’s career high.
I ain’t talking about Kuz. Canada’s champ Danny Green from downtown purple and gold. Or the redemption reunion of Superman returns Dwight Howard in the hash-tag “Washed King’s” revenge season.
I ain’t even talking about the bald identity of my hero the Alex Caruso show this time.
I’m talking about Jared Dudley people.
Yeah I said it!
Not the same Jared that got replaced by Joaquin as The Joker. Not the same Dudley that got nut checked by Shaquille O’Neal on the Knicks before lamely quarterback pitch throwing the ball after him on the inbound technical (we didn’t think centers apart from Shaq could pass like that). Or the same J.D. that like going with Coke welcomed us to Atlanta with Ludacris. But just Jared.
You may think the former Brooklyn boy fan favourite owns the last roster spot that should have gone to a blazing Carmelo. Or still a free agent Jamal Crawford (even a J.R. Smith?!). A spot reserved for Andre Igudola once he gets out of contract hell. Or even a South Bay call-up for legendary names in young Lakers like Antetokounmpo, Stockton and Payton II. And let’s not forget the one Ingram they didn’t trade in the Grey Mamba ‘dre.
And with that headband over his shaved dome you may think the guy who Balenciaga bigger than Basketball looks the part in the players only catwalk runway to the stadium for his fashion fit drip looks like he’ll definitely be in ‘Bron’s ‘Space Jam’ sequel too. That’s all for your insults folks (“baldy?!”). But with that number ten to go with the head check he kind of looks like a less ripped version of a former King that used to kill the Lakers…and that’s no insult to J.D. Have you see Mike Bibby these days? He really is a unit.
But to me he looks like one of those bench energy guys who lifts the whole team in the mould of a Rony Turiaf or ‘Mad Dog’ Mark Madsen. Even if his time on the pine is more than on the hardwood. He still has his Laker legend like that photoshopped number 10 next to James and Davis for the new big three, tongue in cheek.
And speaking of that number ten you just may see that jersey in the seats of STAPLES almost as much as the King’s 23. Why you ask. Are fans waiting until A.D. adds a King’s 2 to his 3 as LeBron carries the 6? Was there a sale? An in-game giveaway like that Shaq City Edition being on everyones seats pregame for its debut in L.A.?
It’s because Dudley has literally been gifting his number ten signature to almost everyone (hello!) whose asked this season on Twitter and it isn’t even Christmas yet. What a statement. And if you thought that was a grand gesture then half of these people in the stands in tens are there because Jared has personally left comp tickets waiting for them for games at will call (the other half probably just in thanks). Not just at STAPLES…but on the road too. Now how’s that for player power? Reaching out to fans in precarious positions, with problems when it comes to getting to games, or even those whose lifelong dream was just to see Hollywood’s Lakers live and in living colour one time.
He’s done it countless. More times than the 23 and 2 team to start their best season since the year 2000 have won.
Now how about that? You love to see it. Right now no one does more for the fans than the people’s champ Jared Dudley.
When he gets his ring it won’t be from riding coattails, but giving his all, everything.
And let’s not forget the heart and hustle he puts down on the floor every night his box score doesn’t read DNP-CD for a second, or minute of time.
Let’s see more from Dudley.
The Lake Show are the Hollywood story of the season. But we all know when it comes to the script from the Basketball God’s you need your character actors as much as the academy of award winners. And if Jared Dudley really is the Lakers unsung hero in L.A. like Denis Irwin was for Manchester United (know your history) it’s time to hit the high notes and shoot our shot like he does his.
Now is this enough for me to get a jersey Jared?
DO Call It A Carmelo Comeback. Anthony Is Guaranteed For Years
Three fingers like “what’s your poison” and shots to the dome like LL Cool J’s comeback. I’m calling it…
La La said knock you out.
They say there are no guarantees in this life, or league. But now after almost crossing off an entire calender, Carmelo Anthony has one in this league of X and O’s.
You best believe every team that slept on him has woke up now.
O.K. Thunder? Like old New York. No ‘Melo in Lakers yellow, or Houston’s problem.
And let’s not talk about that ATL jersey Atlanta tried to hawk.
The Nugget type of fellow that Nelly rapped about like ‘Na-Nana-Na’, with the heart of a champion sweat until he was no longer in a suit and part of the Sportscenter theme again. After waiting longer to align with The King in Hollywood for this Game Of Thrones than another Anthony (Davis), Carmelo ended up coming up roses in the RIP City of Portland. And boy has he blazed a trail. Voltron forming arguably a big three with the best backcourt in the league not in this nation’s capital with C.J. McCollum and Dame ‘Time’ Lillard with the look like the OK3 of Russell Westbrook and PG3 and not the Beard and the Brow.
And now he’s exceeded everyone’s greatest expectations. As one of the G.O.A.T.’s has polished his path to the Hall with a comeback even better than the return of Superman Dwight Howard with the Lakers…which could have had a Hollywood sequel with Carmelo’s comeback.
But the Lakers loss is the PDX’s blazing gain.
What more would you expect from a guy who still put up competent averages in the soaring Rockets cosmos, despite being grounded by little court acclaim? The problems in Houston could have actually been attributed to another guy who ended up ousted and in an Oklahoma home too. Despite the trolls who are now trading in hot takes like they never simulated 2K videos of him building a Commodore house with his shot selection. Or the analysts who are changing their discussion like a report rewrite.
Carmelo ain’t calming down. Anthony is taking everyone back to school.
Class has been in session.
And how about the report card? Eight games. 16.9 points and 5.9 rebounds per game. Big shots. Western Conference Player of the Week. All Star legend spot? He belongs like the Carushow in the Slam Dunk Contest. He’s unstoppable like LeBron James’ Eurostep, spin-cycle lay-up that is like a runaway freight…word to Denzel Washington. Or his Kareem sky-hook. Tokyo 2020 Team USA bid for the best in five rings Olympic legend in his golden age? Big shots from the double 0 like seven. From nothing twice?! This is no time to die Mr. Bond.
He’s gone toe-to-shot with the MVP. Showed he was more than a most imported or Sixth Man, but still a star. More than the name, but the actual game. And now he’s guaranteed to be around for a while longer like he never left, but is here to stay. As the Blazers changed the trail on the end of the signature of his contract before the ink even dried for this guy’s with the wet jumper like staying outside in the snow with your ugly NBA sweater this Christmas.
This tax is more than a luxury. It’s about to cap off a classic career with one compelling closing chapter.
Even when he bit career highs at the core of his career in the Big Apple, the ever humble hero Carmelo was a walking and dribbling, “I just take it one game (or day) at a time” postgame soundbite like he has been in his comeback off court to on it. Well now the Blazers can guarantee him 365…or at least 82 or however far he takes them.
From the headband to the hoodie, stay ‘Melo. Anthony is here to stay.
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