King of New York for a day! Or with all the King’s men in L.A.?
Houston…we have a buyout. Who knows where former billionaire Basketball club boy Carmelo Anthony will end up. But one thing’s for sure. His time with the Houston Rockets is all about over before it even had chance to take off like, “Go for main engine start”.
‘Melo is about to be waived in what already seems like a foregone conclusion, but should be quicker than Coach D’Antoni’s presser response to a reporter asking him if the cold he caught was the same thing Anthony had. To which he quickly and curtly responded with as much droll, “it’s going round…and you’re not funny by the way” (in what actually makes for the funniest press conference since the one in the Queen biography movie ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ where Freddie Mercury was ducking and dodging questions about his health. Whereas the Ringo of the band John Deacon (played perfectly by who else but Joseph Mazzello…’Human Piece Of Toast”, Tim from ‘Jurassic Park’) openly admitted he had been suffering from the flu if anyone was interested. Or when LeBron stormed out in suit shorts, shades and a handbag like suitcase following J.R. Smith’s open arms, Game 1 gaff, delay of play). And whilst all this is STILL being dragged out longer than new Sixer Jimmy Butler’s service to player power revolt, Carmelo Anthony’s Hall of Fame name is being dragged through the mud by everyone who isn’t throwing him under the team bus.
Just two years ago in Rio. Olympic ‘Melo. The Gold Medal three-peat legend was being praised for being an amazing athlete on sports and arguably basketball today’s biggest stage. For all the Dream Team talent he was surrounded with. Durant, Draymond (oh hey guys! You want to talk about being a bad teammate people? Don’t pass on this like Kobe!) and Klay just to name a few Warriors for the boys from Brazil. It was the Ant-Man not named Anthony Davis, Carmelo himself who was a nightmare for the opposition. Putting everything away, whilst other human torches (hello Mr. Thompson) burnt out like the Olympic flame during it’s four year hiatus (passive aggressive sure I’m sorry. But don’t those quotes tell you to fight fire with exactly that?). If there was an MVP this ‘Player Of The Tournament’ would have got it.
But today memes are going round like GIFs on Facebook feeds hungry for what’s funny, of fake Ticketmaster “prove you’re not a robot” captcha’s of a basketball backboard stating, “click every panel where Carmelo Anthony’s three pointers land”. With every board but the basket ticked. Alright…I’ll admit it, I stifled a laugh. I’m sorry. But it just means the jokes funny, not necessarily the subject.
Just a year ago. People where going Stan HAM for the going hard in the gym, basket to basket “Hoodie ‘Melo”. So much so Nike incorporated it in it’s on court practice apparel. And not just for the man joining Russell Westbrook and Paul George for a OK3 big-three in Oklahoma City for the Thunder, which ended up more umbrella than reign. Even video games in this 2K age made a hooded Carmelo in the game like EA’s NBA Live.
But now on the same internet that’s trolling one of the greats when it’s not debating where he’ll land like a roll of the dice on a Monopoly board, video game videos are being made of him bricking every shot in sight. Open or otherwise. As the captions range from, “live footage of ‘Melo in a Rockets jersey” to stuff far more disrespectful. But remember as much as you gamers wish it was, that s### ain’t real.
The jersey joke shared between the team Anthony never played for, the Atlanta Hawks and him was light hearted and in good sport of humour, not truth in jest. But this…THIS is more than the shame of never seeing him getting his talons into suiting up with Vince Carter and soaring with the fellow father time, still going strong legend in the A. This is getting out of hand. Sure the Rockets have had a tad failure to launch this season like when McConaughey still did rom-coms before ‘True Detective’ and ‘Lincoln Lawyer’s’ showed up with a subpoena and number 15 can’t quite take off like he used to. But Houston’s problems are more than one man. Harden isn’t having an MVP year like his last…yet. CP3 is getting slower with age. And this team lost the most underrated X-Factor in the history of the L, Trevor Ariza. But to call Carmelo a cancer? You really going to scapegoat someone who may not be a G.O.A.T. but is pretty close to that barn?
For one. He wasn’t born in July. It was a day in late May. Which makes him a Gemini. Some say that Zodiac sign makes you two-faced. But my sister’s a Gemini and a former flame too, so say something. And I’m a Cancer too. But let’s stop using in the name of health such a destructive and dark word for something like the love of the game or human nature. Like being called toxic in a Twitter trolling trend of that being actual toxicity in itself. When you don’t know all the facts perhaps it’s time to reassess and not retweet. You have no idea what this sort of stuff does to people. We hold court in defending music and movie stars no matter how they act, so why are ballplayers fair game? Are they supposed to be made of tougher stuff? Haven’t we already addressed this toxic masculinity? Have we not learned from he heart of Kevin Love? Wasn’t it ‘World Kindness Day’ yesterday? Hash-tag, you have to like that.
And it’s more than this mere writer coming to social media defence of ‘Melo against all the memes and actual cancerous comments. From Draft class wine friends, retirement tour Dwyane Wade to still in his prime, LeBron James in retweet with emoji comment. Even mouthpiece commentator Steven “CAPITAL A” Smith is preaching positivity. Don’t fall for this guy being made the fall guy. Even if everyone in Houston and the surrounding areas has a problem. Sometimes like every relationship, people, or maybe even circumstances aren’t a good fit in that moment. Sometimes it’s just not the right time. It’s not a sign to give way to giving up right into hate (again…he’s no cancer…in more ways than one. He even once brought a damn car for Christmas for an actual cancer patient). Especially where there was once love there. Parting ways can be amicable and more than ‘for the social media, press impressing’, kind words and tweets of well wishes. Which are for at least one thing better than the other way it all troll scrolls and Twitter spirals out of self-control. Did we forget what happened in the ATL following his short Jermaine and Luda welcome to Atlanta? Passing through like it was a short stopover, crossover connection at Hartsfield-Jackson airport, before taking off again.
But where will ‘Melo land? Portland and Philly (now if you think Anthony’s bad for a team but Butler is a great serve, then maybe we all need to take a stop, look and think again approach to these big ballers) are interested. Miami maybe too, with Wade for the first and one last time? Or is there room for him in the King’s Hollywood castle as a Los Angeles Laker as the franchise wanted two summers back? Failing to lure the free agent with a Spider-Man narrated Marvel of a video pitch (The Petey Spidey in question being, Tobey Maguire. Wrong Parker, Peter…now if you want to talk toxic that guys really something. You seen Jessica Chastain’s ‘Molly’s Game’? Yeah, read the real book. Michael Cera’s character is actually him). But in joining the man he was drafted alongside (save Darko) like “whose better” (sure, like Chris Rock said about “whose better”? Prince or Michael Jackson? “Prince won” like the King who dressed up as him one Halloween), with two teams that even traded up on their threads for these new identities. The New York legend who didn’t skip college to cut down nets with Syracuse years before joining other orangemen, could follow hometown hero Tyson Chandler and be a part of this great youth/veteran mix shaping up in Los “Ageless”. Being another former All-Star option like Stephenson, Beasley and Rondo (they didn’t believe Rajon’s comments about CP3 did they? So why the bad press for his (former) teammate?) that could help mentor the Ingram, Kuzma, Hart and Ball future of the club. Hey, the Denver (you remember the Nelly lyric, “I’m a Nugget type of fellow/I push the Carmelo”? THAT’S how long ago it was) and Knick legend could even end up back in New York like Iverson in Philly. Answering the end of his career back. Kissing the 76ers logo a fond farewell. Part of this writers New York vacation tradition in his twenties was to check in to a hotel a walk across the road in a bathrobe away from Madison Square Garden and check out Carmelo and the N.Y.K. (so much so I’ve lost count on how many times I’ve been…Knicks AND New York). Let’s give this guy a year removed from being the greatest Knick since King or Ewing one more chance like B.I.G. He may actually just come off the bench, but he’ll play his role like a superstar. Sure Tracy McGrady says he should just retire. But T-Mac knows all about the troubles of fading into father-time. Once trying to attempt his own comeback with the Lakers again. He should sympathize. This guy may get bounced around and for sure the clocks ticking. But did you forget what he’s like with the ball in a buzzer beating situation like that?
Patrick Beverley Doesn’t Give A F…
If life really is measured on f###s. L.A. guard of the Clippers kennel, Patrick Beverley has none left to give.
Frankly my dear, in Hollywood this guy doesn’t give a damn.
He doesn’t care that the Lakers drafted and dealt him like Pau Gasol’s younger brother Marc (even if for fuel he once may have). They’ve made that young core mistake time (Julius) after time (D’Angelo) and history will Anthony Davis itself again. He doesn’t care about LeBron James and his Hollywood throne. Or even Lonzo Ball and his opening night. He doesn’t care that the Lakers are the Tinseltown toast of Hollywood and L.A.’s team. He doesn’t care that they share STAPLES like borrowing office supplies from the next cubicle. They aren’t even in the playoffs right now. But his team is. Covering up banners with the balls to raise one of their own one day. He cares about this side of L.A. Their way.
Patrick Beverley doesn’t care about the Houston Rockets, James Harden, Russell Westbrook, or the Oklahoma City Thunder like Kevin Durant. And he doesn’t care about him or Steph Curry, Klay Thompson, Draymond Green, DeMarcus Cousins or any Splash Brother Warriors from Oakland to San Francisco. You can talk about how Kevin Durant cares about him though. Look at that look of love for the game he’s bringing on his face in the midst of all that trash talking respect disguised as hate. I haven’t seen Kevin this happy in years. For all that emotion K.D. has received ever since he switched shores to the Bay, this is the only time he’s loved this type of hate. Because it’s not that. It’s just the passion of competition. And there’s nothing “just” about that, although all is fair in love and basketball war. Because like the late, great Charlie Murphy once said about Prince serving pancakes and behind the backs on ‘Chappelle’s Show’ epic real Hollywood stories, “this cat can ball man”.
Would anyone like some grapes?
I guarantee Patrick Beverley doesn’t care if you do. Like he doesn’t even care that Durant dominates this photo that speaks a thousand words or more for this article like we were shamelessly trying to bait more clicks. When really we’re trying to show how David looks in the face of Goliath from his vantage point. Not to mention the joy laced with “oh s### this guy’s really got me” look on the face of one of the greatest in the game about to get ejected too for going toe to toe with a super sub. But never underesimate the power of a microwave player like leaving your reheated Subway sandwich in the nuke cooker for too long. No matter how much you blow on it or fan it with you skittish hands, it’ll never quite feel like it’s going to cool off from its magma serving like a deep burn (we’re talking more ‘Big Bang’ Sheldon Cooper Aloe Vera here, more than ‘Anchorman’ Ron Burgundy’s thousand bicep curls that probably started at around nine hundred and ninety nine). Hello Lou Will, 6 Man of all-time, popping nachos after he did the Warriors celebration balloon like fallen Forum ones in Celtics cursed storied Lakerland. He doesn’t care about tacos, this cheese is for all the salsa. Pat Bev doesn’t even care that this Laker fan wishes he would have worn purple and gold like others he still wishes would (miss Zu). Like he probably doesn’t care for this shortened version of his name.
Patrick Beverley won’t even care about this article but we do.
He doesn’t care that the Durant dynasty as hot as Curry from downtown Oak Town are champions for years running more than faucets that leak as much as the splash in the Golden Gate of Golden State’s Pacific. To be specific he doesn’t even care if his team is down 31. Because another 30 points from sweet Lou will turn this game around and into the makings of a all guts to their own glory road, ESPN 30 for 30 documentary as the Clippers clip all that like short back and sides. Just like the place you parlour pool your postgame analysis in the next day as you’re former haircut gets dustpan swept up like many people thought these L.A. kings of the underground would be on their way by now like “we close in half an hour”. But now they stand as underdogs of the year in an end of season award category that should be invented with this guy being it’s de facto MVP for his team. Most Improved? Nah? Patrick Beverley doesn’t care about that.
He doesn’t care about you. The name on the back of your jersey. Or the team on the front. No matter how many people in the stands share those strands. He doesn’t care if he gets in your head like the Spotify song of the moment, or under your skin like that underrated Scarlett Johansson movie that sees her as an alien riding around Scotland in a a truck picking up dudes (why was I not in Glasgow that week?). He doesn’t care that I wasn’t in Glasgow that week. Neither does Scarlett.
What he does care about is his job, his role and his team. And he doesn’t care if he has to get ejected like the passenger seat in James Bond’s old Sean Connery era Aston Martin to do it. He doesn’t care if you’ve just been jettisoned from 007’s car. He doesn’t care if you’re shaken or stirred. You should have worn a seatbelt. He cares about buckling up and down. Guarding the opposing teams best player. Even if it is one of the best in the world right now. And he doesn’t care about switching to the other best player in the world on the same damn team if the occasion calls for it. He doesn’t care about that. He just cares about rising to the occasion. Answering the call. He doesn’t care if Philly are on their phones. He cares about what’s at stake. He cares about making them sweat for every shot, swat or not. He cares that tonight’s he’s going to give his all come tip. Because here’s a tip for you, what Patrick Beverley DOES care about is the game. Like the one Allen Iverson goes out there and dies for. Forget practice. Stepping over Kevin freaking Durant like Ty Lue. Like he 1 through 15 cares about his band of brothers. Like family. Like what he’d give everything for. Sweat after shot. Cheap or invested. Never throwing in the towel, or even taking a Gatorade break. Unlike Young Jeezy he doesn’t even care about how much Gatorade makes. And who even cares about Lob City these days after they threw it all away? Chris Paul, Blake Griffin and even saving Jordan before DeAndre ended up at the Garden like M.J. at his best? That’s all history Doc. He cares about Rivers that run deep. Not the air up there in LAX like the Hollywood Hills, but the grounding reality of what this game is all about. Spalding to hardwood.
Patrick Beverley doesn’t care about 10 points and 5 assists. His line or a career high. All he cares about tonight is that the box score of stats reads a W for the team he gives his blood, sweat and opponents tears for. So here’s for him, whether he cares for it or not. Like being the only player that reminds us of those golden era mined tough 90’s years. Or much like those Oakley and Mase (Rest Peacefully money) Knicks, in stark contrast the grit and grind Grizzlies that this gnarly son of an expletive-we can’t mention like the no f words given again and again in this article-would be perfect for alongside fellow defensive dog back in the day Tony Allen. He doesn’t care that there’s no one like him in a league who needs more players exactly like this. Because believe me you know who does care?
Every other player in this league who has to face him. Because face it. Like him or not he’s the realest thing to happen to this game since hand checking. So you really do have to hand it to him.
But if you don’t? Guess what we don’t give?
Clippers’ nacho-eating Lou Williams collection a viral masterpiece
When your name is Lou Williams nothing is out of reach.
Exhibit A — casually rescue your team from a 31-point hole to set an NBA playoff and Los Angeles Clippers franchise record for the largest comeback victory — defeating the defending champs Golden State Warriors 135-131 in one of the few remaining games in a building where post-season victories rarely comeby.
Exhibit B — Continuing the 36-point, 11-assist double-double by double-dipping on a large nacho-platter in the Warriors visiting room whilst cooling out the knees to funny social media memes of historic events that just transpired.
Exhibit C — casually show-up in eating nachos on infamous masterpiece paintings such as Leonardo Da Vinci’s “The Last Supper” or casually Sunday afternoon chilling on George Seurat’s oil on canvas island of La Grand Jatte from 1884.
@LAClippers’ nacho-eating Lou Williams masterpiece collection
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