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LeBron James Is The Troll King

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Cxx Quote 0503

Quick disclaimer. Trolling on the internet like cyber-bullies is for the cruel and cowardly. And we could never condone that. But when it comes to the face-to-face, one-on-one nature of the sport of basketball it’s all fun and games.

Even for the King and his latest subjects, Canada’s Toronto Raptors.

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Tonight LeBron and his land of Cavaliers could sweep Toronto right out of the 2016/2017 NBA Playoffs, but he’s already knocking us off our feet with the jovial jokes and jibes.

First after one his signature breakaway Statue of Liberty dunks came his runaway talent careening into courtside where he met a member of the Cavs crew serving up concessions. Taking a beer from her hand and probably saving it from being spilt and cracked, James-to celebrating teammate and all round joker J.R. Smith’s amusement-pretended to take a sip of the suds. Before rightfully drawing it away from his mouth.

That would have landed him in more hot water with the NBA than vodka. But it turns out it was the Great Lakes brewery company out in Ohio that ended up facing a legal breathalyzer. After using LeBron’s likeness to flog more bottles in Cleveland, the King and his legal team stepped in to remind them of their rights and the fact that the first time LeBron left Cleveland in his decision to play for the South Beach Heat the same beer company brought out a brew called ‘Quitness’. And believe me this court has plenty of witnesses to that. Still, judging from the look on LeBron’s face with the beer in hand, Great Lakes might not want to use him as a sponser for their nectar after all.

Then the King briefly joined the Harlem Globetrotters mid-game. If you think finishing a dunk with a beer is good. Then how about starting a three pointer off against one of the best defenders in the L by spinning the ball on your finger? The only thing that was missing was ‘Sweet Georgia Brown’. Serge Ibaka and the rest of the Toronto Raptors weren’t impressed. But you best believe, sportsmanship or not, when ‘Bron calls it a legendary career and the highlight reel comes rolling around that move will spin right round for the record again.

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Then as ‘More Life’ rapper and Raptor owner Drake waited in the player tunnel to console his personnel, or even greet the King and all his men, LeBron came through again. “Where are we going tonight”? He said to Drake on his night. “The margaritas are on me” he quipped. And he wasn’t talking about pizza.

If you’re reading this…you just got served.

As James is the one turning the 6 upside down, T-Dot fans are screaming “NINE” like Germans. It even looked like LeBron was pulling the Raps tails even more as he tugged reserve Norman Powell’s jersey as he walked off court and back to the bench. What really looked like a moment of un-sportsmanship like conduct was actually a grand gesture as he was actually preventing Powell and the Raptors for being whistled for an illegal subsitution. A tech that could have got the blow out beaten Toronto another bucket against them from the free throw line for the Cavaliers.

See the King is classy after all. And even though the Raptors look on the brink of extinction they can take it. Just look what they did to the deer roadside after the Milwaukee Bucks were dunking inflatable dinosaurs at halftime during the first round of their last series.

On any given sunday even a King could be fooled though, but we think we know who will have the last laugh tonight. And he’s averaging 34.3 points, 9.0 rebounds and 7.3 assists in these playoffs.

From a memes to gifs world of jesters who knew the King had such a sense of humour?

Off with our heads.

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NBA

The Warriors Came Out To Play This Series

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The Warriors Came Out To Play This Series
RIP Portland...

Even without the fantasy Basketball of Kevin Durant in this series, the Golden State Warriors still brought out the brooms like ‘Fantasia’.

And swept out of Game 4 like Thanos click finger dust, the Portland Trailblazers may have only lost by a bucket (119-117)…and in overtime at that. But with all the Splash they had to contend with this series from brothers Steph Curry and Klay Thompson, they were left dealing with more leaks and holes in all of their own ones like Mickey Mouse in said Disney epic.

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This was meant to be the showdown between Dell Curry’s boys Steph and Seth which divided a household. And although the youngest gun stepped up to the plate, swung big in this carnival and knocked them down, big brother was always watching.

Steph Curry averaged over 36 points a game this series. Just read that again. 36 points. Right now we don’t need to talk about Kevin.

The Warriors are a dynasty for the ages even without their best player (although this writer thinks he wasn’t missing this entire series). The first team to make it to five straight finals since the Boston Celtics. The 1960’s Bill Russell Celtics. That’s King James crowning legendary. And Steph Curry with the shot and that facet of the game is just as iconic and dominant as a Bill block.

Give some credit to a blazing Portland side who never gave up despite the box score. They can hold their heads in the PDX. Even in their Moda Center home-stand City Of Roses end in RIP City. Their season eulogy should read as a celebration and commiseration, not a trolling condescension from critically entitled fans who have done nothing to determine the outcome of these games and could never make it this far in their wildest memes. They call themselves “influencers”? Well no one’s going to remember them in 50 years.

The NBA will remember one of their Top 100 greatest of all-time in a half century though. As after hitting the biggest buzzer beater in playoff history against Paul George and the Oklahoma City Thunder in the first round, Damian Lillard played through the pain of separated ribs this series and still made the Basketball God’s look down from the hoop heavens with praise. Like New York singer St. Vincent tweeted, “Damian Lillard is my hero”. Even his backcourt brother of splash CJ McCollum in the only small man set up to rival Curry and Klay came out to play against the Warriors after midrange mining the Nuggets into submission in Denver just over a week ago.

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But Curry’s red hot triple double, starter, mains and dessert dish of 37, 13 and 11, to go along with a playing not crying, Draymond Green’s day of 18, 14 and 11 assists also was just too much in the clutch. As Stephen and Dray became the first teammates in NBA history to have a triple double in the same playoff game. Forget how much this team can unbelievably keep winning, how does this ball manage to get shared this much?

Well that just may be the secret of success?

The real test is dubbed next however in the Warriors last season in Golden State before they move across that Golden bridge to the Silicon Valley of a digital age in San Francisco. They will play the winner of the Milwaukee Bucks (probably…Giannis…MVP. Sorry Toronto but come on!) and Raptors series. But by then they should have some guy called Kevin back.

I mean come on. This has been getting crazy. This is just out of hand like said ball in Splash City.

Now Bill Russell and the Boston Celtics’ record of eight straight finals and wins doesn’t look far out of reach for Steph Curry and the player and team with the biggest range in the association over the gate of the Pacific.

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NBA

Welcome to the Toronto Raptors’ Jurassic Park

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Welcome To The Toronto Raptors' Jurassic Park
They The North...

“In Jurassic Park, Raptor fans wait until after dark. Even if the cold might eat them!”

Fans find a way.

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An ace serve or two away from being as legendary as Wimbledon’s ‘Murray Mound’ or ‘Henman Hill’ outside the Scotiabank Arena, the Toronto Raptors Maple Leaf Square’s “Jurassic Park” may just be the ticket for this sold out crowd.

Raptor Klaw, Kawhi Leonard ruled the earth last night. He and the T-Dot at the final tick beat the Sixers in The Six, as his shot bobbled like a beach ball on the surface of a swimming pool before making the biggest splash of these postseason playoffs. Taking longer to fall than Leonardo DiCaprio’s spinning top in ‘Inception’. But this was no dream.

And if you thought the Scotiabank Arena in downtown Toronto erupted last night, then outside in Maple Leaf Square it was like the volcanoes that killed the dinosaurs after that big ball dropped. An Armageddon even Bruce Willis couldn’t save like he wish he could his career.

Welcome to Jurassic World.

With all due respect to the Linsanity of Jeremy Lin, or pick your poison whoever is your flash card pick of the bench mob pack, but the Jurassic Park crowd fenced in outside of Scotia is the teams spiritual sixth man, spark plug. As electric as the paddock like perimeter fence surrounding them feels with this buzz over basketball (and national sport hockey come Leaf picking season), this crowd can’t be contained.

Forget rain or shine. You see the slickers. These faithful fans will pitch a spot waiting for game time like the ball to drop in Times Square for New Year in New York, sleeping bag lining up all day in their hordes huddled for warmth. These beautiful fans will brave the harshest, most frigid temperatures to be the coldest fans in the game in more ways than one. Part of the ‘We The North’ community in the 6 that the Basketball God’s look down on with pride, whilst other armchair fans watch this game for the throne from home. Or leave early like those suit and tie corporate seats trying to catch that last red eye Matt Bonner home.

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Can you imagine of they called game early before Kawhi last night?

I could imagine Drake taking in the CN Tower looking up views of the Jurassic though, like it was all the basketball God’s plan.

Well those in the park for recreation stayed until the beautiful end to a game Butler almost delivered bitter. And you could could phantom cam see every emotion in slow motion last night as Leonard’s buzzer beating ball toyed with the rim like three dots on messenger, or Damien Lillard even further downtown in Oklahoma City.

This is the spirit of the stadium and the soul of the squad, expanding the capacity arena and the Canadian ballclubs worldwide fanbase watching on their own Jumbotrons.

And the Toronto Raptors are going to need all the north they can get if they’re going to stop the Bucks in Milwaukee.

But this club has the claws to do it. And if you don’t think they can win in Wisconsin on their own road to being the first franchise outside of the United States to be NBA finalists and who knows what next against the Warriors(?), then just watch this Canadian cornerstone from the Jurassic era.

Extinct in six? Nah! Get ready to hear the North roar.

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