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If You Come At The King You Best Not Miss



If You Come At The King You Best Not Miss
King Back...

Heads will roll down the wire in this ‘Game Of Thrones’ next season. Just like the Spalding the King, Lebowski rolls down court before picking it up to take that deep shot that’s hopefully going to knock down all the pins.


LeBron James is tired.

LeBron James is tired of missing that shot. He’s tired of missing the playoffs. He’s tired of not taking the purple to its gold. He’s tired of people not thinking he can add “Laker legend” to his NBA one like the legacies of Shaq, Kobe, Magic, Kareem, the logo, the Big Dipper and all of them. Despite being the most all round player of his position the Lake Show have had since the great Elgin Baylor. He’s tired of critics thinking he’s done. He’s tired of you thinking he’s done. He’s tired of father time. He’s tired people think he’s tired.

He’s not.

Well not in that way anyway.

LeBron James is tired the King does not have a ring in Hollywood. He’s tired right now his script only reads ‘Space Jam 2’. He’s tired people forgot what he did returning to The Land. He’s tired in this 15 minutes of fame world gone to 30 characters in length that redemption lasts about as long in this league these days as a swipe left. He’s tired of the swipes like this writer is of Tinder. He’s tired of not meeting his match (I hear ya). He’s tired of the jokes about his hairline (oh I hear you ‘Bron…although I make them all about myself. Self-deprecation is the best). Have you seen it lately? It’s even a better comeback story than the Lakers may have this year…and this writer hopes for his own part 2 like Caruso. He’s tired that even with “what’s up man? I’m Alex” dunking like Woody Harrelson’s ‘White Man’ was a myth and those 80’s trim themed jerseys that people in Hollywood aren’t putting this up in bright lights in the big city, billed as ‘Showtime 2’. He’s tired he can’t trademark ‘Taco Tuesday’ after eating more boxes of them than he drinks wine.

We’re just tired of ‘Taco Tuesday’…we know what day it is? Okay, alright it’s pretty funny when you make that noise and its all love and family. What will make real noise however is if you yell it in the Boston Garden after dunking on their 7 foot 7 inch rookie Tacko Fall to welcome him to the L. Now that would make a Twitter trending Tuesday.

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LeBron James is tired that you blame him. Although his broad shoulders wouldn’t have it any other way. He’s tired you think he’s past it when he played through all the pain with no complain last campaign. He’s tired ESPN put him as the third best player in the association after Kawhi and Giannis…but they’re probably right. Although ESPN are like that when it comes to the Lakers…just ask Kobe. He wants his spot back in the spotlight like champagne showers with Larry O’Brien and okay Dwight Howard. He’s tired they think he’s the reason Magic wanted to get rid of the kids. He’s tired Pelinka did it anyway when President Johnson cast himself out. He’s tired of Lonzo Ball’s raps, Josh Hart’s tweets and the fact that Brandon Ingram is saying as much as he’s smiling in Pelicans colours. Because he knows the gunner killer is going to take it out on them on the floor. He’s tired Kyle Kuzma is injured like DeMarcus Cousins. He’s tired people don’t think giving up the house for Anthony Davis and the best dynamic duo the West to Wilt, Magic to Kareem Lakers have had since Shaq and Kobe (sorry Pau) isn’t worth it. He’s tired he couldn’t carry the 6 and give A.D. his 23…yet. He’s tired it looks like it’s going to be one of those seasons all over again.

LeBron James is tired the season hasn’t started already. Although it was media day yesterday and that sabre like lighting photo shoot that looks like something straight out of the neon Tokyo’s Vinyl Museum should open his and our eyes. He’s tired it’s 30 days before 82. He’s tired they don’t think he has the brackets for more than that many 48’s once we get it on. He’s tired the chalks not in his hand to toss. He’s tired last season was a loss. LeBron James is tired he hasn’t told his sung his latest redemption song in his storied career yet. But this is just the first note. Time to let it play.

Tired of seeing this word in this column like counting sheep yet?

Time to wake up!

If you come at the King you best not miss.

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Jared Dudley Is The Lakers Unsung Hero



jared dudley is the lakers unsung hero
No Dud...

There’s a hero that could save us in Hollywood right now.

And I ain’t talking about The King.

Or the Brow to ‘Bron in A.D. and his best since Shaq and Kobe dynamic duo combining for 70 like one off Elgin Baylor’s career high.

I ain’t talking about Kuz. Canada’s champ Danny Green from downtown purple and gold. Or the redemption reunion of Superman returns Dwight Howard in the hash-tag “Washed King’s” revenge season.

I ain’t even talking about the bald identity of my hero the Alex Caruso show this time.

I’m talking about Jared Dudley people.

Wait…what the?!

Yeah I said it!

Not the same Jared that got replaced by Joaquin as The Joker. Not the same Dudley that got nut checked by Shaquille O’Neal on the Knicks before lamely quarterback pitch throwing the ball after him on the inbound technical (we didn’t think centers apart from Shaq could pass like that). Or the same J.D. that like going with Coke welcomed us to Atlanta with Ludacris. But just Jared.

Yeah right…”just”.

You may think the former Brooklyn boy fan favourite owns the last roster spot that should have gone to a blazing Carmelo. Or still a free agent Jamal Crawford (even a J.R. Smith?!). A spot reserved for Andre Igudola once he gets out of contract hell. Or even a South Bay call-up for legendary names in young Lakers like Antetokounmpo, Stockton and Payton II. And let’s not forget the one Ingram they didn’t trade in the Grey Mamba ‘dre.

And with that headband over his shaved dome you may think the guy who Balenciaga bigger than Basketball looks the part in the players only catwalk runway to the stadium for his fashion fit drip looks like he’ll definitely be in ‘Bron’s ‘Space Jam’ sequel too. That’s all for your insults folks (“baldy?!”). But with that number ten to go with the head check he kind of looks like a less ripped version of a former King that used to kill the Lakers…and that’s no insult to J.D. Have you see Mike Bibby these days? He really is a unit.

But to me he looks like one of those bench energy guys who lifts the whole team in the mould of a Rony Turiaf or ‘Mad Dog’ Mark Madsen. Even if his time on the pine is more than on the hardwood. He still has his Laker legend like that photoshopped number 10 next to James and Davis for the new big three, tongue in cheek.

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And speaking of that number ten you just may see that jersey in the seats of STAPLES almost as much as the King’s 23. Why you ask. Are fans waiting until A.D. adds a King’s 2 to his 3 as LeBron carries the 6? Was there a sale? An in-game giveaway like that Shaq City Edition being on everyones seats pregame for its debut in L.A.?


It’s because Dudley has literally been gifting his number ten signature to almost everyone (hello!) whose asked this season on Twitter and it isn’t even Christmas yet. What a statement. And if you thought that was a grand gesture then half of these people in the stands in tens are there because Jared has personally left comp tickets waiting for them for games at will call (the other half probably just in thanks). Not just at STAPLES…but on the road too. Now how’s that for player power? Reaching out to fans in precarious positions, with problems when it comes to getting to games, or even those whose lifelong dream was just to see Hollywood’s Lakers live and in living colour one time.

He’s done it countless. More times than the 23 and 2 team to start their best season since the year 2000 have won.

Now how about that? You love to see it. Right now no one does more for the fans than the people’s champ Jared Dudley.

When he gets his ring it won’t be from riding coattails, but giving his all, everything.

And let’s not forget the heart and hustle he puts down on the floor every night his box score doesn’t read DNP-CD for a second, or minute of time.

Let’s see more from Dudley.

The Lake Show are the Hollywood story of the season. But we all know when it comes to the script from the Basketball God’s you need your character actors as much as the academy of award winners. And if Jared Dudley really is the Lakers unsung hero in L.A. like Denis Irwin was for Manchester United (know your history) it’s time to hit the high notes and shoot our shot like he does his.

Now is this enough for me to get a jersey Jared?

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DO Call It A Carmelo Comeback. Anthony Is Guaranteed For Years



carmelo anthony signs guarantee contract with portland trail blazers
Back From The Dead In RIP City...

Three fingers like “what’s your poison” and shots to the dome like LL Cool J’s comeback. I’m calling it…

La La said knock you out.

They say there are no guarantees in this life, or league. But now after almost crossing off an entire calender, Carmelo Anthony has one in this league of X and O’s.

You best believe every team that slept on him has woke up now.

O.K. Thunder? Like old New York. No ‘Melo in Lakers yellow, or Houston’s problem.

And let’s not talk about that ATL jersey Atlanta tried to hawk.

The Nugget type of fellow that Nelly rapped about like ‘Na-Nana-Na’, with the heart of a champion sweat until he was no longer in a suit and part of the Sportscenter theme again. After waiting longer to align with The King in Hollywood for this Game Of Thrones than another Anthony (Davis), Carmelo ended up coming up roses in the RIP City of Portland. And boy has he blazed a trail. Voltron forming arguably a big three with the best backcourt in the league not in this nation’s capital with C.J. McCollum and Dame ‘Time’ Lillard with the look like the OK3 of Russell Westbrook and PG3 and not the Beard and the Brow.

And now he’s exceeded everyone’s greatest expectations. As one of the G.O.A.T.’s has polished his path to the Hall with a comeback even better than the return of Superman Dwight Howard with the Lakers…which could have had a Hollywood sequel with Carmelo’s comeback.

But the Lakers loss is the PDX’s blazing gain.

What more would you expect from a guy who still put up competent averages in the soaring Rockets cosmos, despite being grounded by little court acclaim? The problems in Houston could have actually been attributed to another guy who ended up ousted and in an Oklahoma home too. Despite the trolls who are now trading in hot takes like they never simulated 2K videos of him building a Commodore house with his shot selection. Or the analysts who are changing their discussion like a report rewrite.

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Carmelo ain’t calming down. Anthony is taking everyone back to school.

Class has been in session.

And how about the report card? Eight games. 16.9 points and 5.9 rebounds per game. Big shots. Western Conference Player of the Week. All Star legend spot? He belongs like the Carushow in the Slam Dunk Contest. He’s unstoppable like LeBron James’ Eurostep, spin-cycle lay-up that is like a runaway freight…word to Denzel Washington. Or his Kareem sky-hook. Tokyo 2020 Team USA bid for the best in five rings Olympic legend in his golden age? Big shots from the double 0 like seven. From nothing twice?! This is no time to die Mr. Bond.

He’s gone toe-to-shot with the MVP. Showed he was more than a most imported or Sixth Man, but still a star. More than the name, but the actual game. And now he’s guaranteed to be around for a while longer like he never left, but is here to stay. As the Blazers changed the trail on the end of the signature of his contract before the ink even dried for this guy’s with the wet jumper like staying outside in the snow with your ugly NBA sweater this Christmas.

This tax is more than a luxury. It’s about to cap off a classic career with one compelling closing chapter.

Even when he bit career highs at the core of his career in the Big Apple, the ever humble hero Carmelo was a walking and dribbling, “I just take it one game (or day) at a time” postgame soundbite like he has been in his comeback off court to on it. Well now the Blazers can guarantee him 365…or at least 82 or however far he takes them.

From the headband to the hoodie, stay ‘Melo. Anthony is here to stay.

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