“She ordered the Kobe beef like Shaquille O’Neal!”
With that Kanye West may have had one of the best Basketball lines in rap history on the remix to Ghostface Killah’s ‘Fishscale’ hit ‘Back Like That’, with R&B singer of the music matrix Ne-Yo on the hook. But now that offering is becoming a menu reality.
Are you ready to order?
The Big Aristotle may sound like a meal in itself, let alone a mouthful. But the number 34 legend of the Los Angeles Lakers O’Neal opened his own restaurant, ‘Shaquille’s’ on the 8th Feb. Right in the heart of STAPLES and Lakerland with his newly coronated, bronze, dunking statue watching above.
Across from the neon of the Lakers home-court STAPLES Centre in the electric, entertainment hub of L.A.’s Nokia Live, answering the call to bring the pulse back to downtown Los Angeles. Purple and gold boards reading ‘Shaquille’s’, “coming soon” have whet fans appetites since the beginning of the season. And following some ‘Big Chicken Shaq’ joints out in Vegas, the Big Diesel is fueling up the grills to give you your perfect pregame meal and the bar to not pass on the way out for a drink for your postgame water cooler analysis. Whether your clinking glasses are toasting a W, or you’re drowning your sorrows after King James and them couldn’t sink those clutch free throws like you know who.
But all joking aside this Big Comfort Food restaurant looks like the perfect diner for all your sports bar needs. With big helpings of flavor like the Most Dominant Ever himself your plates are about to be covered more than Shaquille O’Neal in the paint. With Magic like his time in Orlando ready and what is being served up as “Southern hospitality with a modern flair”, the man who owned the game like Wilt, but with his own ‘Kazam’ twist below the basket is giving us all what our rubbed bellies are wishing for over three courses for the four quarter beast. Pick your play from the kitchen roster. “Fried green tomatoes, shrimp and grits, mac and cheese, and corn pudding”. “Pan-roasted salmon, roast Jidori chicken, flat-iron steak, shrimp ceviche” and of course a big Shaq burger that you never know may be seven feet plus when you try and tower it like a helpless defender. That just may need a double team sharing platter. But can we suggest the Derek Fisher sandwich, A.C. Green salad but hell no not a Rick Fox burger…no offense champ. And we can’t wait to wash all this down with some Shaq shakes. Although plenty of Southern California beers are on tap along with a vineyards worth of wine for LeBron.
So next time you’re about to take in the big game live in L.A. how about a big meal to get you started? You can’t miss the sign. It almost dwarfs his statue that rises above Magic, Kareem and all the other Showtime that’s now served here too.
And oh yes, Big Shaq is in Japan too. Coming back with some Far East burgers for your taste bud tickling. The funniest character in NBA history couldn’t resist. There’s Kobe beef again. But never fear like wondering whether your meats deer (or dear mind you for you ‘Green Book’ misspellers…no don’t worry prices are fair). There’s no reason to sing War’s (seriously here…what is it good for? I’d tell you…but you know the rest) ‘Why Can’t We Be Friends’ like the ‘Hobbs & Shaw’, ‘Fast and Furious’ spin-off trailer or that “EVERYBODY HIT SOMEBODY” scene in basketball epic, ‘Semi-Pro’. It’s a Kobe special. The only other beef burger on the one, two punch menu of sliders for the perfect partnership of the greatest dynamic duo to ever lace them up like chef aprons. The Kobe beef burger is rumored to come with five onion rings (almost as tasty as championship ones) and an amazing in more ways than one 81 fries (you’re food babies will be glad he was standing ovation taken out of that historic game before he had chance to wilt Chamberlain’s record).
Oh and the price of what sending boats to Japan will end up being a fan favorite chefs choice?
8 dollars…and 24 cents.
Now that’s one check you’ll want to pick up.
Is Howard’s End In Hollywood?
Kobe Bryant mouths this whilst shaking his head in dissing dismay from the baseline whilst staring down Dwight Howard on the other half of the court. Now a Houston Rocket the less than perfect pair have a problem…and it’s all getting flagrant.
Once upon a time in Hollywood with Mike D’Antoni running the show with an ageing Steve Nash, Hollywood’s Laker reality show was playing fantasy, legendary name Basketball again like the time they brought in late in their career legends like Karl Malone and Gary Payton to help raise banners like the point of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or logo of Jerry West. But when they picked up Magic man Dwight Howard who even took Orlando’s Mickey Mouse kingdom on his broad back all the way to the Finals against the Lakers, they expected D12 and KB24 to be the new generation Shaq and Kobe. After all Dwight Howard was a man of steel too.
And oh how they were Shaq and Kobe 2…but in completely all the wrong way. It turned out to be Batman vs Superman without the dawn of a justice league, or even their mothers having the same name. Kobe’s beef with Dwight made his repaired relationship with Shaq look like Japanese cows without the massage and feeding rituals that make their Mamba city namesakes cuts the best in the business…now served in Shaquille’s restaurant with more onion rings. And when they met the following season after the death of another dynasty to be, this time Dwight was the little red corvette and Kobe the brick wall unable to be felled or floored like the one in Berlin. Baptizing him like that time in Orlando with his most dynamic dunk.
Since going from the Orlando Magic to Magic smiles in Hollywood Howard has switched more teams than your 2K partner when you’ve already picked to play as the Lakers. He’s also received his fair share of off court and locker room problems including some chemistry cancer concerns. And even in this off-season, either looking to make some headlines or free agent publicity stunts he’s come out and said he’d be open to returning to the Lakers (…erm) and that Kobe was right (he already knows).
Now most in Lakerland laughed at the social media scoffed idea. Especially with a front-court force more formidable than anything the association has to offer, lead by new big man legend Anthony Davis. Following in the sneaker steps of Mikan, Wilt, Kareem, Shaq and Pau to truly be the new Shaq and Kobe with King LeBron James. But when his old New Orleans Pelicans reunited Wildcat brother DeMarcus Cousins went down with another season threatening injury last week the Lakers were forced to look elsewhere already, like filling out their final roster spot with Andre Igudola was a ring of last week’s past, or Carmelo was one long rumored Anthony never meant to be. Bursting the banana boat like a CP3 nix.
And although the Lakers have been linked with the arc of Joakim Noah or the Zaza land of Pachulia and with plenty of other big assets still on the market like Marcin Gortat or Amir Johnson, will we see Dwight Howard eating tacos and yelling with LeBron on Twitter this Tuesday as we all unfollow like too many tweets (my bad)? Bringing Howard back to Hollywood seems sillier than bringing the LaVar Ball show back to this Kardashian town. Because besides they already have the all dunking and blocking JaVale McGee who is worthy of a start with James (42) clapping like throwing up chalk. All as this hair blown out center throws it down again and again, coast to coast in California. But apparently there’s a mutual interest…what is this Tinder? Will this just be the makings of another Michael Beasley or make ’em dance Lance Stephenson meme team? Still the Lakers need more in reserve and Dwight needs this for his revenge to the past years that have taken his career from the red caped sun to being newspaper fodder to each cities equivalent of the Daily Planet. Time to rewrite all those who wrote you off Jimmy Olsen.
Read all about it, at the end of press next week Dwight Howard could be a Los Angeles Laker yet again.
News just in…I can’t believe I’m writing this.
Who would of thought it?
Certainly not Kobe.
But it’s the King’s town now.
And after all in this LeBron ‘Space Jam’ scripted season for the Los Angeles Lakers you know Hollywood loves a redemption story too.
Boogie’s Productions Down Again
Cousins injured again…we can’t relate to that.
When former Sacramento star and New Orleans Pelican DeMarcus Cousins joined the Kevin Durant, Steph Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green Golden State Warriors to begin last season critics dubbed this superteam unfair.
What was unfair however was the ACL injury that kept Boogie sidelined for most of the season and then the quad injury on top of that in the playoffs that made sure the Warriors wouldn’t be dancing in their final chapter in Golden State.
But as D.C. made a Cali move too like the Dubs across the Golden Gate to San Francisco, heading to LeBron’s Lakerland with former frontcourt friend Anthony Davis, what was really unfair is what’s just come out of a practice run this week.
Cousins has tore his ACL again in a horrible twist of fate.
This games God’s people.
When DeMarcus reunited with the same former New Orleans big man that rocked his jersey in beautiful All Star tribute a couple of seasons back when they briefly flew together as Pelicans this Summer, the Lakers furthered their favourite status like tapping that heart on Twitter. Even if the Clippers ended up being the ones that got Kawhi Leonard…and Paul George too for the new battle of Los Angeles, raging against the Lakers Hollywood machine, the Lake Show have the ‘Space Jam 2’ of the King and the ‘brow. Not to mention the difference maker like rising star Kyle Kuzma in the veteran one of Cousins.
Either one of them will blow, or both, as the other will show he’s still got it. Giving the West’s best the biggest force of an interchangeable frontcourt. As the Lakers could either go with the more muscle version of a Tim Duncan and David Robinson twin towers in the Pelican reunited Kentucky Wildcats of Davis and Cousins and ‘Bron. Or the most dynamic duo since Shaq and Kobe of James and A.D. and the one young core star who didn’t get switched for this franchise player in Kuz, who could form a big three if the injured Cousins isn’t already still a part of one. Despite the writing off medical report.
And we haven’t even got to his Kentucky alumni Rajon Rondo led backcourt, or last year’s all dunking and blocking big headband and hair spark JaVale McGee. A gym rat who re-upped after almost going for both the Defensive Player Of The Year and Most Improved Player award in the first month of last seasons 82 campaign.
The Lakers are going to need him and that first wind of last year now more than ever.
Or the California club have some decisions to make for who to put in purple and gold for their almost meant to be final roster spot (DON’T AMNESTY!). Do they still wait for another former Warrior in Sixth Man, defensive legend Andre Igudola? Or do they leave him and the long rumoured other Anthony in Carmelo and pick up another big? Guys like Nené, Amir Johnson, Joakim Noah, Kenneth Faried, Zaza Pachulia and Marcin Gortat are still on the market like fresh fruit stalls. And even Dwight Howard of all people have expressed (more like blatantly begged for publicity) for a return to Lakerland after his Hollywood divorce.
Because we have no idea when Boogie will be back. Or if he will even be the same player when he returns. Or if he even was before this injury happened. But despite history rewriting so many careers crippled by injury we still believe. We still believe he has superstar status and could be the X-factor difference maker when he returns late in the game to this Hollywood scripted rivalry like he almost was last season in the Finals against Toronto as he flips it. You saw him almost become a Splash Brother with that three, so just you wait until you see him downtown in STAPLES this season when it’s all said and buzzer beater done.
The bridge is far from over.
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