“She ordered the Kobe beef like Shaquille O’Neal!”
With that Kanye West may have had one of the best Basketball lines in rap history on the remix to Ghostface Killah’s ‘Fishscale’ hit ‘Back Like That’, with R&B singer of the music matrix Ne-Yo on the hook. But now that offering is becoming a menu reality.
Are you ready to order?
The Big Aristotle may sound like a meal in itself, let alone a mouthful. But the number 34 legend of the Los Angeles Lakers O’Neal opened his own restaurant, ‘Shaquille’s’ on the 8th Feb. Right in the heart of STAPLES and Lakerland with his newly coronated, bronze, dunking statue watching above.
Across from the neon of the Lakers home-court STAPLES Centre in the electric, entertainment hub of L.A.’s Nokia Live, answering the call to bring the pulse back to downtown Los Angeles. Purple and gold boards reading ‘Shaquille’s’, “coming soon” have whet fans appetites since the beginning of the season. And following some ‘Big Chicken Shaq’ joints out in Vegas, the Big Diesel is fueling up the grills to give you your perfect pregame meal and the bar to not pass on the way out for a drink for your postgame water cooler analysis. Whether your clinking glasses are toasting a W, or you’re drowning your sorrows after King James and them couldn’t sink those clutch free throws like you know who.
But all joking aside this Big Comfort Food restaurant looks like the perfect diner for all your sports bar needs. With big helpings of flavor like the Most Dominant Ever himself your plates are about to be covered more than Shaquille O’Neal in the paint. With Magic like his time in Orlando ready and what is being served up as “Southern hospitality with a modern flair”, the man who owned the game like Wilt, but with his own ‘Kazam’ twist below the basket is giving us all what our rubbed bellies are wishing for over three courses for the four quarter beast. Pick your play from the kitchen roster. “Fried green tomatoes, shrimp and grits, mac and cheese, and corn pudding”. “Pan-roasted salmon, roast Jidori chicken, flat-iron steak, shrimp ceviche” and of course a big Shaq burger that you never know may be seven feet plus when you try and tower it like a helpless defender. That just may need a double team sharing platter. But can we suggest the Derek Fisher sandwich, A.C. Green salad but hell no not a Rick Fox burger…no offense champ. And we can’t wait to wash all this down with some Shaq shakes. Although plenty of Southern California beers are on tap along with a vineyards worth of wine for LeBron.
So next time you’re about to take in the big game live in L.A. how about a big meal to get you started? You can’t miss the sign. It almost dwarfs his statue that rises above Magic, Kareem and all the other Showtime that’s now served here too.
And oh yes, Big Shaq is in Japan too. Coming back with some Far East burgers for your taste bud tickling. The funniest character in NBA history couldn’t resist. There’s Kobe beef again. But never fear like wondering whether your meats deer (or dear mind you for you ‘Green Book’ misspellers…no don’t worry prices are fair). There’s no reason to sing War’s (seriously here…what is it good for? I’d tell you…but you know the rest) ‘Why Can’t We Be Friends’ like the ‘Hobbs & Shaw’, ‘Fast and Furious’ spin-off trailer or that “EVERYBODY HIT SOMEBODY” scene in basketball epic, ‘Semi-Pro’. It’s a Kobe special. The only other beef burger on the one, two punch menu of sliders for the perfect partnership of the greatest dynamic duo to ever lace them up like chef aprons. The Kobe beef burger is rumored to come with five onion rings (almost as tasty as championship ones) and an amazing in more ways than one 81 fries (you’re food babies will be glad he was standing ovation taken out of that historic game before he had chance to wilt Chamberlain’s record).
Oh and the price of what sending boats to Japan will end up being a fan favorite chefs choice?
8 dollars…and 24 cents.
Now that’s one check you’ll want to pick up.
Jared Dudley Is The Lakers Unsung Hero
There’s a hero that could save us in Hollywood right now.
And I ain’t talking about The King.
Or the Brow to ‘Bron in A.D. and his best since Shaq and Kobe dynamic duo combining for 70 like one off Elgin Baylor’s career high.
I ain’t talking about Kuz. Canada’s champ Danny Green from downtown purple and gold. Or the redemption reunion of Superman returns Dwight Howard in the hash-tag “Washed King’s” revenge season.
I ain’t even talking about the bald identity of my hero the Alex Caruso show this time.
I’m talking about Jared Dudley people.
Yeah I said it!
Not the same Dudley that got nut checked by Shaquille O’Neal on the Knicks before lamely quarterback pitch throwing the ball after him on the inbound technical (we didn’t think centers apart from Shaq could pass like that). Or the same J.D. that like going with Coke welcomed us to Atlanta with Ludacris. But just Jared.
You may think the former Brooklyn boy fan favourite owns the last roster spot that should have gone to a blazing Carmelo. Or still a free agent Jamal Crawford (even a J.R. Smith?!). A spot reserved for Andre Igudola once he gets out of contract hell. Or even a South Bay call-up for legendary names in young Lakers like Antetokounmpo, Stockton and Payton II. And let’s not forget the one Ingram they didn’t trade in the Grey Mamba ‘dre.
And with that headband over his shaved dome you may think the guy who Balenciaga bigger than Basketball looks the part in the players only catwalk runway to the stadium for his fashion fit drip looks like he’ll definitely be in ‘Bron’s ‘Space Jam’ sequel too. That’s all for your insults folks (“baldy?!”). But with that number ten to go with the head check he kind of looks like a less ripped version of a former King that used to kill the Lakers…and that’s no insult to J.D. Have you see Mike Bibby these days? He really is a unit.
But to me he looks like one of those bench energy guys who lifts the whole team in the mould of a Rony Turiaf or ‘Mad Dog’ Mark Madsen. Even if his time on the pine is more than on the hardwood. He still has his Laker legend like that photoshopped number 10 next to James and Davis for the new big three, tongue in cheek.
And speaking of that number ten you just may see that jersey in the seats of STAPLES almost as much as the King’s 23. Why you ask. Are fans waiting until A.D. adds a King’s 2 to his 3 as LeBron carries the 6? Was there a sale? An in-game giveaway like that Shaq City Edition being on everyones seats pregame for its debut in L.A.?
It’s because Dudley has literally been gifting his number ten signature to almost everyone (hello!) whose asked this season on Twitter and it isn’t even Christmas yet. What a statement. And if you thought that was a grand gesture then half of these people in the stands in tens are there because Jared has personally left comp tickets waiting for them for games at will call (the other half probably just in thanks). Not just at STAPLES…but on the road too. Now how’s that for player power? Reaching out to fans in precarious positions, with problems when it comes to getting to games, or even those whose lifelong dream was just to see Hollywood’s Lakers live and in living colour one time.
He’s done it countless. More times than the 23 and 2 team to start their best season since the year 2000 have won.
Now how about that? You love to see it. Right now no one does more for the fans than the people’s champ Jared Dudley.
When he gets his ring it won’t be from riding coattails, but giving his all, everything.
And let’s not forget the heart and hustle he puts down on the floor every night his box score doesn’t read DNP-CD for a second, or minute of time.
Let’s see more from Dudley.
The Lake Show are the Hollywood story of the season. But we all know when it comes to the script from the Basketball God’s you need your character actors as much as the academy of award winners. And if Jared Dudley really is the Lakers unsung hero in L.A. like Denis Irwin was for Manchester United (know your history) it’s time to hit the high notes and shoot our shot like he does his.
Now is this enough for me to get a jersey Jared?
DO Call It A Carmelo Comeback. Anthony Is Guaranteed For Years
Three fingers like “what’s your poison” and shots to the dome like LL Cool J’s comeback. I’m calling it…
La La said knock you out.
They say there are no guarantees in this life, or league. But now after almost crossing off an entire calender, Carmelo Anthony has one in this league of X and O’s.
You best believe every team that slept on him has woke up now.
O.K. Thunder? Like old New York. No ‘Melo in Lakers yellow, or Houston’s problem.
And let’s not talk about that ATL jersey Atlanta tried to hawk.
The Nugget type of fellow that Nelly rapped about like ‘Na-Nana-Na’, with the heart of a champion sweat until he was no longer in a suit and part of the Sportscenter theme again. After waiting longer to align with The King in Hollywood for this Game Of Thrones than another Anthony (Davis), Carmelo ended up coming up roses in the RIP City of Portland. And boy has he blazed a trail. Voltron forming arguably a big three with the best backcourt in the league not in this nation’s capital with C.J. McCollum and Dame ‘Time’ Lillard with the look like the OK3 of Russell Westbrook and PG3 and not the Beard and the Brow.
And now he’s exceeded everyone’s greatest expectations. As one of the G.O.A.T.’s has polished his path to the Hall with a comeback even better than the return of Superman Dwight Howard with the Lakers…which could have had a Hollywood sequel with Carmelo’s comeback.
But the Lakers loss is the PDX’s blazing gain.
What more would you expect from a guy who still put up competent averages in the soaring Rockets cosmos, despite being grounded by little court acclaim? The problems in Houston could have actually been attributed to another guy who ended up ousted and in an Oklahoma home too. Despite the trolls who are now trading in hot takes like they never simulated 2K videos of him building a Commodore house with his shot selection. Or the analysts who are changing their discussion like a report rewrite.
Carmelo ain’t calming down. Anthony is taking everyone back to school.
Class has been in session.
And how about the report card? Eight games. 16.9 points and 5.9 rebounds per game. Big shots. Western Conference Player of the Week. All Star legend spot? He belongs like the Carushow in the Slam Dunk Contest. He’s unstoppable like LeBron James’ Eurostep, spin-cycle lay-up that is like a runaway freight…word to Denzel Washington. Or his Kareem sky-hook. Tokyo 2020 Team USA bid for the best in five rings Olympic legend in his golden age? Big shots from the double 0 like seven. From nothing twice?! This is no time to die Mr. Bond.
He’s gone toe-to-shot with the MVP. Showed he was more than a most imported or Sixth Man, but still a star. More than the name, but the actual game. And now he’s guaranteed to be around for a while longer like he never left, but is here to stay. As the Blazers changed the trail on the end of the signature of his contract before the ink even dried for this guy’s with the wet jumper like staying outside in the snow with your ugly NBA sweater this Christmas.
This tax is more than a luxury. It’s about to cap off a classic career with one compelling closing chapter.
Even when he bit career highs at the core of his career in the Big Apple, the ever humble hero Carmelo was a walking and dribbling, “I just take it one game (or day) at a time” postgame soundbite like he has been in his comeback off court to on it. Well now the Blazers can guarantee him 365…or at least 82 or however far he takes them.
From the headband to the hoodie, stay ‘Melo. Anthony is here to stay.
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