Throwback jerseys only really work if it’s been longer than two weeks.
This writer bleeds purple and gold until he dies (when surely we will find out how true that sentiment really is…heavy I know). And last Summer after LeBron’s free agency Hollywood move came with some new suits that took it back to the Showtime 80’s, I was more than in. I already copped the favourite Sunday White 23, as there wasn’t any Hollywood Nights on the horizon this year (and as for those City Edition pinstripe threads? Like the opposite of Kobe…Pass). And I’m saving my gold for whoever we mine from this year’s free agency (that’s a nice way of saying I hope it’s Anthony Davis). But what about the best in the show? The iconic road staples with a Mamba black trim? Well after much debate in the Lakers team store in L.A. this December gone I came away as indecisive as any fellow Englishman…empty handed. Upon finding nothing under my tree last Christmas, I decided to opt for the January sales were our local Foot Locker promoted Lonzo Ball’s number 2 jersey as they go to purple and gold garb. And with half-off who could argue at that discount?
It’s not like he’s going to get traded… right?!
Well we all know how that almost played out and over the next couple of weeks I was facing my jersey being defunct before it even came home in the post (the only other guy I know in my town who likes Basketball had the same issue with a Kuzma jersey coming from China…he’s probably still waiting). And you can best believe like Snapchatting along to Diddy’s ‘Bad Boy For Life’ I have been wearing the proverbial s### out of that Lonzo number 2 ever since. It’s like I’m part of the Big Baller Brand.
Maybe I am.
But in this league where players get traded like they really were damn stocks, this is a problem we face all the time. Even if this thirtysomething man whose ballplaying frame is thinner than the hair up top his dome has no business rocking (or even saying, “rocking”) NBA jerseys, or having a closet so full of them he could start his own Mitchell and Ness pop-up shop. But now with the next-gen future here now, this looks to be a thing of the past. Something soccer fans don’t even have to worry about, even if they Sandwich Board around like walking adverts for their teams sponsor. Which lapel to WNBA and G-League is coming across the chest you usually thumped with pride for your team’s name. Not how much you like logging on to StubHub when you’d rather pay three times the amount for a ticket that went on sale two minutes ago (yep…I’m still a Chris Paul nixing bitter).
Adam Silver brought those surname sake linings to the new NBA threads on display in hoops hotbed North Carolina today, ahead of this weekends NBA All-Star festivities in the classic city of Charlotte. Home to the Hornets’ nest and our pick for game MVP, underrated until Monday makes sense of what he did on Sunday superstar, Kemba Walker. His All-Star jersey at the click of an iPhone suddenly morphed into a Steph Curry one before everyone in attendance for this presentations perplexed eyes. Before being switch-a-roo changed again to a number 23 Mike, cast like iron. Although if I was an amazed Amhad Rashad I’d be happy with the Bulls throwback I was rocking (oops..I said it again) whilst presenting.
You know how much one of those costs?
Probably almost as much for the astronomical price, these new tech jerseys will retail for once they hit NBA stores in 2030 (hey Anthony may get signed by then…Carmelo or A.D.). These new Nike jerseys have been tapped into the times ever since you could hold your phone over the label for exclusive content. So it’s no wonder they can now flick between jersey names and numbers like changing flight times at an airport board. So now when trade players are checking their departure they can already update their new work uniforms with the click of the same application. The change clothes era for Knick and Lakers fans is finally coming to a close, although you just know Nike will find some way of recouping the massive loss they will no longer make with the cost of switching up your jerseys for the new free agents joint. Or perhaps there’s a limit like chasing your Netflix region. And perhaps there’s a wait like your microwave meals in-between binging your favourite shows series by series. Either way, this is exactly what the streaming age needs in all it is live for the moment, swipe away the past age of instant application. One a cynic may see these shapeshifters-that will probably come with a subscription fee like everything else-as teams taking back the agency of their ownership, combating the opposition in this time of player power. And despite the Kevin Durant team change jokes that are trending on Twitter and questions we all want to be answered like, “how do I even wash this thing”?! Or my own one, ‘these Nikes are nice but why does the team name on the small size have to be so damn small?! This is the best news for fans who want to put their own names on the back of their favourite teams jersey (or rude ones) since you could import your face onto a created player on NBA Live (although a lot of times you came out looking like some GTA player with cornrows and tattoos even those on all those removal shows you watch would never dare ink in the first place). This is truly in the game. And can even be changed in the middle of one. Which might have made that whole Harrison Barnes debacle that much more awkward if the teams G.M. took out his phone not so subtly at halftime like checking your Facebook feed in the middle of dinner (you know those people that post those pictures about putting your phones in the middle of the table and the first one to pick theirs up gets the bill? They’re doing that, WHILST AT DINNER!!).
Smart jerseys by the smartphone.
And who knows with these new All-Star and all name uniforms being introduced this weekend maybe even ‘Team LeBron’ could make some last minute changes to his against the wall like school picked roster for Sunday’s game.
But isn’t that tampering?
Is Howard’s End In Hollywood?
Kobe Bryant mouths this whilst shaking his head in dissing dismay from the baseline whilst staring down Dwight Howard on the other half of the court. Now a Houston Rocket the less than perfect pair have a problem…and it’s all getting flagrant.
Once upon a time in Hollywood with Mike D’Antoni running the show with an ageing Steve Nash, Hollywood’s Laker reality show was playing fantasy, legendary name Basketball again like the time they brought in late in their career legends like Karl Malone and Gary Payton to help raise banners like the point of Kareem Abdul-Jabbar or logo of Jerry West. But when they picked up Magic man Dwight Howard who even took Orlando’s Mickey Mouse kingdom on his broad back all the way to the Finals against the Lakers, they expected D12 and KB24 to be the new generation Shaq and Kobe. After all Dwight Howard was a man of steel too.
And oh how they were Shaq and Kobe 2…but in completely all the wrong way. It turned out to be Batman vs Superman without the dawn of a justice league, or even their mothers having the same name. Kobe’s beef with Dwight made his repaired relationship with Shaq look like Japanese cows without the massage and feeding rituals that make their Mamba city namesakes cuts the best in the business…now served in Shaquille’s restaurant with more onion rings. And when they met the following season after the death of another dynasty to be, this time Dwight was the little red corvette and Kobe the brick wall unable to be felled or floored like the one in Berlin. Baptizing him like that time in Orlando with his most dynamic dunk.
Since going from the Orlando Magic to Magic smiles in Hollywood Howard has switched more teams than your 2K partner when you’ve already picked to play as the Lakers. He’s also received his fair share of off court and locker room problems including some chemistry cancer concerns. And even in this off-season, either looking to make some headlines or free agent publicity stunts he’s come out and said he’d be open to returning to the Lakers (…erm) and that Kobe was right (he already knows).
Now most in Lakerland laughed at the social media scoffed idea. Especially with a front-court force more formidable than anything the association has to offer, lead by new big man legend Anthony Davis. Following in the sneaker steps of Mikan, Wilt, Kareem, Shaq and Pau to truly be the new Shaq and Kobe with King LeBron James. But when his old New Orleans Pelicans reunited Wildcat brother DeMarcus Cousins went down with another season threatening injury last week the Lakers were forced to look elsewhere already, like filling out their final roster spot with Andre Igudola was a ring of last week’s past, or Carmelo was one long rumored Anthony never meant to be. Bursting the banana boat like a CP3 nix.
And although the Lakers have been linked with the arc of Joakim Noah or the Zaza land of Pachulia and with plenty of other big assets still on the market like Marcin Gortat or Amir Johnson, will we see Dwight Howard eating tacos and yelling with LeBron on Twitter this Tuesday as we all unfollow like too many tweets (my bad)? Bringing Howard back to Hollywood seems sillier than bringing the LaVar Ball show back to this Kardashian town. Because besides they already have the all dunking and blocking JaVale McGee who is worthy of a start with James (42) clapping like throwing up chalk. All as this hair blown out center throws it down again and again, coast to coast in California. But apparently there’s a mutual interest…what is this Tinder? Will this just be the makings of another Michael Beasley or make ’em dance Lance Stephenson meme team? Still the Lakers need more in reserve and Dwight needs this for his revenge to the past years that have taken his career from the red caped sun to being newspaper fodder to each cities equivalent of the Daily Planet. Time to rewrite all those who wrote you off Jimmy Olsen.
Read all about it, at the end of press next week Dwight Howard could be a Los Angeles Laker yet again.
News just in…I can’t believe I’m writing this.
Who would of thought it?
Certainly not Kobe.
But it’s the King’s town now.
And after all in this LeBron ‘Space Jam’ scripted season for the Los Angeles Lakers you know Hollywood loves a redemption story too.
Boogie’s Productions Down Again
Cousins injured again…we can’t relate to that.
When former Sacramento star and New Orleans Pelican DeMarcus Cousins joined the Kevin Durant, Steph Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green Golden State Warriors to begin last season critics dubbed this superteam unfair.
What was unfair however was the ACL injury that kept Boogie sidelined for most of the season and then the quad injury on top of that in the playoffs that made sure the Warriors wouldn’t be dancing in their final chapter in Golden State.
But as D.C. made a Cali move too like the Dubs across the Golden Gate to San Francisco, heading to LeBron’s Lakerland with former frontcourt friend Anthony Davis, what was really unfair is what’s just come out of a practice run this week.
Cousins has tore his ACL again in a horrible twist of fate.
This games God’s people.
When DeMarcus reunited with the same former New Orleans big man that rocked his jersey in beautiful All Star tribute a couple of seasons back when they briefly flew together as Pelicans this Summer, the Lakers furthered their favourite status like tapping that heart on Twitter. Even if the Clippers ended up being the ones that got Kawhi Leonard…and Paul George too for the new battle of Los Angeles, raging against the Lakers Hollywood machine, the Lake Show have the ‘Space Jam 2’ of the King and the ‘brow. Not to mention the difference maker like rising star Kyle Kuzma in the veteran one of Cousins.
Either one of them will blow, or both, as the other will show he’s still got it. Giving the West’s best the biggest force of an interchangeable frontcourt. As the Lakers could either go with the more muscle version of a Tim Duncan and David Robinson twin towers in the Pelican reunited Kentucky Wildcats of Davis and Cousins and ‘Bron. Or the most dynamic duo since Shaq and Kobe of James and A.D. and the one young core star who didn’t get switched for this franchise player in Kuz, who could form a big three if the injured Cousins isn’t already still a part of one. Despite the writing off medical report.
And we haven’t even got to his Kentucky alumni Rajon Rondo led backcourt, or last year’s all dunking and blocking big headband and hair spark JaVale McGee. A gym rat who re-upped after almost going for both the Defensive Player Of The Year and Most Improved Player award in the first month of last seasons 82 campaign.
The Lakers are going to need him and that first wind of last year now more than ever.
Or the California club have some decisions to make for who to put in purple and gold for their almost meant to be final roster spot (DON’T AMNESTY!). Do they still wait for another former Warrior in Sixth Man, defensive legend Andre Igudola? Or do they leave him and the long rumoured other Anthony in Carmelo and pick up another big? Guys like Nené, Amir Johnson, Joakim Noah, Kenneth Faried, Zaza Pachulia and Marcin Gortat are still on the market like fresh fruit stalls. And even Dwight Howard of all people have expressed (more like blatantly begged for publicity) for a return to Lakerland after his Hollywood divorce.
Because we have no idea when Boogie will be back. Or if he will even be the same player when he returns. Or if he even was before this injury happened. But despite history rewriting so many careers crippled by injury we still believe. We still believe he has superstar status and could be the X-factor difference maker when he returns late in the game to this Hollywood scripted rivalry like he almost was last season in the Finals against Toronto as he flips it. You saw him almost become a Splash Brother with that three, so just you wait until you see him downtown in STAPLES this season when it’s all said and buzzer beater done.
The bridge is far from over.
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